Eventually everything will be okay.

At the end we all die... but we can't choose the time or place... we just go away... leave the ground and our beloved ones and just go.

Today a year ago we lost our friend. The hardest thing is to lose someone dear to you without a chance to say goodbye - so unfair.
When I was little my mum always told me that if someone dies the spirit of the body goes around for 3 days to find it's peace and then it will go to heaven. So I was mourning and waiting for him to come to me in the middle of night to say goodbye to me. I was hoping that to happen so bad. It didn't. I managed to escape the need to go to South-Estonia to see the place where he died and I just wasn't ready to accept the fact that he's not with us anymore. So I didn't.. for months.
When I had my school practice in Finland around Christmas I had a dream.

***We had some kind of  walking trip with friends... And then suddenly he appeared. I knew in my dream that he was dead so ran to him and hugged him. Asked him how he was. It felt real, like hugging him in real life. And then he told me "Marian, eventually everything will be okay. Tell that to Siiri aswell." And then he started walking away from me. ***  

The morning I woke up after that dream I looked to the calendar and saw that it was 29 of December. I felt so calm and in a way happy - I got to see him for the last time to say goodbye. And it helped. And from that time on I truly believe that people do really come to say goodbye. Maybe not in 3 days, but eventually. 

And now after a year has passed I still don't have the feeling that he's gone. Sometimes I find myself surprised like "ohmy, that's real" but then again I drop that thought.

You are missed every single day!

Let's not forget how precious people close to us are.

Love,

Susie

Everybody has a private world. Where they can be alone... (Eminem - Beautiful)

First of all I discovered today this (in my opinion) really awesome Danish band Volbeat. So my todays mood raiser is going to be Lola Montez ;)

So... I have this weird feeling. Like I'm stuck somewhere. But I don't know why I am feeling like that atm. Yes, we all know by now that I'm not exactly in a position that I would have loved to be after moving to Fin... Lost. Boring.

Well if I can't find words then everyone else can so that's my escape for today - lyrics from songs. Most of them are from Eminem songs. Oh wait..... all of them are. Such a rebel I am *wink*wink.

||I don't know how or why or when I ended up this position I'm in. I'm starting to feel distant again|| I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor. Everything's so tense and gloom|| I'm hunched over, emotion just flows over, these cold shoulders are both frozen, you don't know me|| Snap, back to reality, oh, there goes gravity|| You better lose yourself in the music|| Kick your shoes off, let your hair down|| Step by step, heart to heart, left right left... (( Beautiful; Apologies; Lose yourself; Like Toy Soldiers; Berzerk))


And now when I finished typing the blog and don't have anything to add I feel like little rabbit who could hop around and just be cute. Yah, pretty cool.

Ps. I am not at all that miserable or depressed as this post might seem o.O

Xo

Susie