Friday, December 13, 2013

Cheers To That!

So. Not so many days left for us to say goodbye to a year 2013. I'm not even sure if this year has passed way to soon or .... or something. When I was at work I suddenly found myself wondering about all the stuff that has happened during this year. It is so weird to think how radically things have changed and in a way how much I have grown up in my own little head (... I think so)...

  How did 2013 come? To be honest I don't remember much about the New Years Eve.... Or at least don't want to remember (such a shame that a girl can be so drunk.. seriously..). I think my memory comes back at some point during 2am when we were still out partying. Didn't feel like any other night out. Siiri met some Australian dude and was hanging with him (or they knew already before that evening). When it was time for us to go home and sober up the guy came with us. Somehow I found it very funny to introduce myself to him all the time... like after every 10 minutes or so. Such a comedian.
  The next day was the point when I realized that I actually had missed out all the big fuzz about the New Years celebration and the actual party. Such a shame. But the next morning was still and quiet and with Minttu. Oh thank god for Minttu.
  Owell. The following days of the first months of the year were pretty crazy. As usual, us, apartment girls running around the Tallinn and its clubs and partying - a lot. Meeting so many people and making a lot of new friends. Even the Australian Dude from the New Years Eve became a very good friend of mine.
  Ofcourse there were a lot of girls dramas and fights and tears but I think the human mind is build up so that mostly it captures the best memories and all the laughter. All the love. Sweet :)
  During the summer I did a lot of babysitting and being an auntie to my sweet Liisa and her dog Rudolf. Quite a pair I would say. But still little sweethearts.... And then I moved to Finland. And here I am now... The most antisocial me that I ever have known myself. Not saying it's bad - just working for my future and enjoying myself and my family. Gotta love that. Most of my friends that I made in Tallinn have moved to their home countries or Estonians have gone to study abroad. So the year has been full of Goodbyes as well. Sad ones.
  If I would have to choose the best part of the year or thing that happened to me I would pick the part when me and this Australian dude from New years Eve started dating (the most awkward first months of our relationship haha). I'm not so sure why I refer to him as a "Australian dude"... His name is Matt. And I am very happy that we discovered ourselves as more than friends.
  So Yeah... In conclusion this year has been everything - full of adventures,crying, laughter, fights, love, alcohol, parties, home, friends etc, etc. Now going through the old pictures.... A Fantastic year to look back at.

Love you,

Monday, December 2, 2013


Had a shower, pulled on my shorts, big T-shirt and pink woolen socks. Put on my pink headphones and started to listen to girlish music. Closed my eyes and just relaxed on the bed. Sweet. Thats my kind of sweet end of a Monday that came too quick. Music can cure everything mood, physical feeling... everything. It works for me - little happy music that is full of giggles. Ouyeah.


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Please Can I Get Some Christmas!? NOW

Santa can you here me...?

So yeah, I can not wait for Christmas to be here and holidays in general. Already Listening to Christmas music and eating loads of tangerine... humhum I wonder if I want them when the proper time comes (then again when is the Proper time?? when it isn't :P )

How do I try to help myself to be patient? I don't. If there are things that I am not good at then being patient sometimes can be in the top (not always). So I've been all over the interweb looking up Christmas music, present and gift ideas and just mood pictures :) And thought about sharing some of them  with you guys.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Poetry Monday

Hello there.

So today I am obsessed with poetry. I just can get enough of watching people presenting it ( I watch it through Youtube though - still thrilling). I wanted to share one of my favorites with my friends through almighty Facebook but I failed miserably because I can't just choose one. So I decided to post some links here so you guys could get a taste of it as well (if you already haven't) :)

These are some videos from Poetry contests. Only some among the best.


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Dreamy Asian Sunday

Today I'm in a dreamy mood, listening to Asian music and watching different dramas. Feeling very calm and good. The weather helps a lot - sun shining and everything is still so nice and yellow. Being girlish every once in a while :) Now time to load all the music on my phone and get my butt outside and find a swing to be even cooler.


Friday, October 11, 2013

Otoño Amarillo

Hello there,

First of all I little gif to show how I feel about autumn Sleepy kitty :)

So the Mother Nature has officially changed into a more colorful dress and decided to cut of on some sun so we'd be more thankful if it is sneaking behind the clouds.

It has been pretty rough week after coming back from Estonia. Too many things happening and have to get ready for changes not sure if the good kind of or the bad kind... Will see. We can manage the both ways - just have to be patient. Oh, and work - had so much work this week so Friday is a real blessing...

To be honest I can't think of anything awesome to write about (or if I do I just can't get the words on the screen to express myself in a proper way).... but one sweet person reminded me my love to pugs so I decided just to share some pictures with you that I have saved in my PC. Not my own captures but very awesome ones :)

Honey can we please get a pug nooooooow!?!

Cheers to those little Mopsus.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Eventually everything will be okay.

At the end we all die... but we can't choose the time or place... we just go away... leave the ground and our beloved ones and just go.

Today a year ago we lost our friend. The hardest thing is to lose someone dear to you without a chance to say goodbye - so unfair.
When I was little my mum always told me that if someone dies the spirit of the body goes around for 3 days to find it's peace and then it will go to heaven. So I was mourning and waiting for him to come to me in the middle of night to say goodbye to me. I was hoping that to happen so bad. It didn't. I managed to escape the need to go to South-Estonia to see the place where he died and I just wasn't ready to accept the fact that he's not with us anymore. So I didn't.. for months.
When I had my school practice in Finland around Christmas I had a dream.

***We had some kind of  walking trip with friends... And then suddenly he appeared. I knew in my dream that he was dead so ran to him and hugged him. Asked him how he was. It felt real, like hugging him in real life. And then he told me "Marian, eventually everything will be okay. Tell that to Siiri aswell." And then he started walking away from me. ***  

The morning I woke up after that dream I looked to the calendar and saw that it was 29 of December. I felt so calm and in a way happy - I got to see him for the last time to say goodbye. And it helped. And from that time on I truly believe that people do really come to say goodbye. Maybe not in 3 days, but eventually. 

And now after a year has passed I still don't have the feeling that he's gone. Sometimes I find myself surprised like "ohmy, that's real" but then again I drop that thought.

You are missed every single day!

Let's not forget how precious people close to us are.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Everybody has a private world. Where they can be alone... (Eminem - Beautiful)

First of all I discovered today this (in my opinion) really awesome Danish band Volbeat. So my todays mood raiser is going to be Lola Montez ;)

So... I have this weird feeling. Like I'm stuck somewhere. But I don't know why I am feeling like that atm. Yes, we all know by now that I'm not exactly in a position that I would have loved to be after moving to Fin... Lost. Boring.

Well if I can't find words then everyone else can so that's my escape for today - lyrics from songs. Most of them are from Eminem songs. Oh wait..... all of them are. Such a rebel I am *wink*wink.

||I don't know how or why or when I ended up this position I'm in. I'm starting to feel distant again|| I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor. Everything's so tense and gloom|| I'm hunched over, emotion just flows over, these cold shoulders are both frozen, you don't know me|| Snap, back to reality, oh, there goes gravity|| You better lose yourself in the music|| Kick your shoes off, let your hair down|| Step by step, heart to heart, left right left... (( Beautiful; Apologies; Lose yourself; Like Toy Soldiers; Berzerk))

And now when I finished typing the blog and don't have anything to add I feel like little rabbit who could hop around and just be cute. Yah, pretty cool.

Ps. I am not at all that miserable or depressed as this post might seem o.O

Sunday, September 15, 2013


Cigarette in my hand, enjoying cold Sunday morning. Leaves are slowly turning their colors - Nature is changing her green dress into something much more colorful and dare I say even more cheerful?!? I'll take another puff of smoke and breathe it in... I can feel how dizziness is getting me. I am addicted.

As you can see I decided to practice my English and have a post in that language. And every time I start writing it seems to be going well... until I find myself totally lost in my thoughts and then start struggling with the language itself. Not so motivating.  

I've been having an endless discussion with one of my sweetest girls about relationships and feelings.... and if and when it is too early to get into one.... and every time we manage to find ourselves thinking about the questions "what do other think?"... Why do we depend so much on others opinions or words?
Well we still haven't found all the answers for ourselves but I guess this topic isn't lost from our everyday talks. 
I've started to be more social lately (and not only in the meaning of interweb but also in real life). Somehow when I came back to Finland I started to be not so opened to new friends. After all in Estonia I was surrounded with people who I trusted and felt comfortable with. And they knew me. Having a new start and getting to now people might be interesting and all but at the same time I felt that I don't really want to replace my friends back in Est. And that was until I started to meet random people in random places and had chats with them. Then I realized that I don't have to replace anyone. I can just make room for new people to get more interesting stories.       I still do miss my people though.

And now I  remembered it's Sunday so it's time for me to get my butt to the kitchen and start making pancakes - the only things I could cook but don't really like to eat. Ironic.


Friday, September 13, 2013

Who do you think you are?

Reede - palju õnne teile kõigile, kes te olete oma tööpäeva lõpetanud ja võite rahuloleva tundega suunduda lõõgastavasse nädalavahetusse. Mina aga liigun peagi tööle ning veedan oma tunnid tõenäoliselt kuni keskööni seal. Õnneks on mul aga Väga vahva paariline tänu kellele aeg vähe kiiremini tiksub.

Avastasin end teismelise rajalt.... not sure what is going on, aga otsustasin oma rüperaali kaant kaunistada ajakirja väljalõigetea (õigemini piltidega). ON the other hand - eks me peamegi tegema seda, mis meil tuju heaks teeb ning mina leidsin uues kaanes endale inspiratsiooni (not sure in what way though...yet).
Ja ma tõesti ei oska seletada, mis mul on nende inglise keelsete lausetega keset emakeelset teksti. Andeks selle pärast but that's how I am.

Niisiis.... Minu tänane postitus on inspireeritud kõmulehe väljahõikest, et Anu Saagim kutsus Miss Estoniat odavaks tüdrukuks... Mis on see, mis paneb inimesi arvama, et neil on õigus öelda kõik välja, mis sülg suhu toob? Samas, eks ka halb reklaam on reklaam, kuid ma arvan, et kilodes make-up, avar dekoltee ja raha rahakotis ei tee sind veel teistestt paremaks. Viimasel ajal käib mulle kuidagi eriti vastukarva bravuuritari sõnavõtt teiste naiste suhtes, mis paneb mind soovima teda juustest sikutada nagu väikest teismelist plikat  - et teda korrale kutsuda. Sa võid küll olla avaliku seltskonna tipus, but that don't mean people like you. Jah, ei peagi kõigile meeldima, kuid ma arvan, et kui ükskord oled endal margi nii maha teinud ja teiste inimeste viimasegi austuse kaotanud... then I guess you would get me... Ja mis puutub Miss Estonia arvustamisele. Kes on tema ütlema, kas tüdruk on odav ja muud, kui olles ise juba 50 püüab meeleheitlikult olla nooruslik ja käitub-riietub kui 25 aastane. Vanane väärikalt!
Muidugi ei käi see ainult prua Anu kohta, aga lihtsalt tema sõnavõtud panevad mind kogaueg mõtlema sellele, kuidas maailmas on nii palju inimesi, kes peavad ennast teistest paremaks....
Jah it's kind of Make Love Not War post... kind of lame... Aga see on minu arvamus and I'm going to stick with it.

So long,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Baggy jeans, T-shirt and my glasses on - my kind of Wednesday morning (afternoon).

Väljas on tunda jaheda sügise kohalolu. Nii hea on istuda rõgul, kohvi juua ja lihtsalt loodust nautida... või õigemini nautida all murul jooksvate laste kisa (ning ei, ma ei mõtle rõõmuhõiskeid vaid ehtsat, pead valutama panevat kisa).
Leidsin tee tagasi raamatute juurde. Tunnen, et peale tööpäeva olen väsinud ja mitte just kõige sotsiaalsem inimene, seega just raamatute võlumaailm on hea kosutus. Raamat süles ja prillid ees - väike nohikupreili.
Aga ma ei käi lugemist otsimas raamatukogus või raamatupoodides. Kuna meil siin Soomes on nii vingeid kirpareid, siis olen seal tuhlamise enda jaoks muutnud huvitavaks ingliskeelsete raamatute otsimisega ja mu leiud ei ole mind siiamaani alt vedanud. Viimati leidsingi raamatu nimega Lighthousekeeping mis on kirjutatud Jeanette Wintersoni poolt.

Lugu räägib tüdrukust nimega Silver, kellel pole isa ning ta kaotab ka oma ema. Saatuse tahtel hakkab ta elama koos Cape Warth'i  tuletorni vahi Mr. Pew'ga . Nende kooselu möödub üksteisele lugusid rääkides - olgu nad siis ajalooliselt tõesed või välja mõeldud. 

"I know that. But I know something else too, because I was brought up to Lighthousekeeping. Turn down the daily noise and at first there is the relief of silence. And then, very quietly, as quiet as light, meaning returns. Words are the part of silence that can be spoken." 

Üle pika aja võtta raamat kätte, mis on kirjutatud ingliskeeles oli paras katsumus. Kirjanduslik keel on tunduvalt erinevam, kui igapäevane kõnekeel, mida kasutan. Ning kõnealuses raamatus oli kasutatud ka meremeestele omaseid väljendeid, seega end kõigepealt raamatumaailma häälestamine võttis aega. Hoo sisse saanud, ei suutnud ma aga raamatut enam käest panna.

Selle raamatu puhul oli huvitav nüanss see, et raamatusse oli kirjutatud ka teisi raamatuid. Minu jaoks esimene kord sellistmoodi teost lugeda.


Friday, August 30, 2013

"So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that for you because I want you. I want all of you...."  from The Notebook.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Relax, take it easy

Viimasel ajal tunnen, et ma olen suhteliselt rahutu, magan vähe ja muretsen palju - mis ma kooliga peale hakkan, mis saab siis, kui ma Soome kolin, mis saab minu värskest suhtest? Millised on mu plaanid edasiseks?
   See paneb mind mõtlema, et ma ei taha olla enam teismeline - ma ei taha olla ka veel pereema, aga samas ma ju tahaks oma eluga kuskil juba olla. Vähemalt mingi siht võiks olla. Ja see tekitab minust frustratsiooni - MMIS MA ENDAGA PEALE HAKKAN!?!?!? Kas ma jäängi päevast päeva mõtlema, mida bõiks homne päev tuua? Kas ma ei võiks hoopis võtta end käsile, planeerida - teha natukenegi rõõmu oma lähedastele ja näidata, et ma tean, mis on minu siht.
    Mul on unistusi ja ootusi, mida ma tulevikult ootan, kuid samas tean, et kui ma täpselt sellise tuisupeana jätkan ei pruugi ma nendeni eales jõuda. Ma arvan, et ma peaks leidma enda jaoks lihtsalt aja etvälja nuputada , mida ma tahan oma elu juures muuta ja ehk siis muutun iseenda inspiratsiooniallikaks.                             Jah, ma suudan! 

Susie ***